Ramblings of an idle mind

Another of those mornings-when simply the act of getting up seems to be one gargantuan,pain-staking task.

Another of those mornings-when I again realise that I am leading an absolute meaningless,fruitless ,parasitic existence on this planet.Do I even contribute anything in this world that I have inhabited for twenty-nine long springs like this one?Do I deserve the life that I am currently leading without giving any thing back in return?

Even my two year old has a more meaningful existence.She is like a beam of light ,spreading her warmth and cheer all around her.She manages to bring a smile to so many people's faces with her antics when we go out.She amazes me with her enthusiasm for life,her curiosity,her desire to explore.

And I....I spend my days in this vacuum around me.In a country far away from the land and the people that I call my own,where it seems that I do not know any body and nobody knows me,bereft of anything that would stimulate me,I mope away my days in splendid isolation.

What is it that draws us Indians to the U.S. or for that matter any other foreign land?Is the lure of money and opportunity so strong that it overpowers even our basic human desire to belong?For one can truly never find that feeling in these foreign shores-the feeling of belonging.

There are thousands of Indians who consider countries other than India home.But then they are no longer Indians.They have traded their identities long back-for the twang,the Tommy Hilfigers and the time -share holidays.They complain continuously about the pathetic state of affairs in India,visit India once in two years to show off all their designer finery anhd brag about their wonderful houses with the white picket-fence in the suburbs.

Do I want to be one of those Indians?Do I want to stay on in this country where hard work can help one achieve everything,well everything except a sense of truly belonging.For in order to belong,I need to become one of them.And in order to become one of them,I can no longer remain who I am .

And how many things in this world are truly worth changing oneself for?