Gosh! Two years....???

Has it really been that long since I visited this blog?

Well...let me think, it was August, 2006 when I came here to Charleston, to start my masters in Clinical Psychology. And next month, I will be defending my thesis, packing up my bags and going home to India.

Wow, it was THAT short a time? It seemed like forever sometimes......

Seems it was just a few days back that we had loaded up one of those U-hauls and made that long drive here. Seems it was yesterday that it was my first day of classes, and Hiya's first day at daycare. I had arranged for Karen to pick her up from daycare, as i had a late evening class the first day itself. Karen, a student who would babysit her, whom Hiya had never seen before in her two years of life. Hiya, my little girl,who had never spent a single day away from momma before that.

I remember running home that day, as I had planned to be there when Karen picked Hiya up. I reached there at 5:30 in the evening, as the daycare was about to close. There were no other kids left,and I spied my baby standing quietly by the glass doors.

Karen appeared to be coaxing her to come with her, and I quickly hid, for I did not want Hiya to see me. I watched my lil one stand there, her head down, unwilling to let go of the door, unwilling to go of with somebody who was all intents and purposes a total stranger.Karen tried with kind words and gentle smiles, and when all failed, she picked her up gently and held her close. I heard my baby cry, or was it my own heart? I don't know....

At that moment, I felt what every other mother feels who has to leave her kid for the first time alone and go of to work....I felt incompetent and selfish and worthless and a total jerk.....and that night , as I lay with my sleeping daughter cuddled up against me, I whispered in her ear,"Mamma loves you...and mamma is sorry."