Yeaayy...vacation time!!

Its vacation time for me-finally.After a year and a half,after months of preparing for GRE and TOEFL and applications,interviews and admission paper-work, I get to go to India,see Ma-Baba again.

Get to experience those familiar sights and sounds again.The cacaphony of sounds and shouts that hit you as soon as you step into Mumbai's airport,the disinterested stamping by a sleepy immigration officer,the subtle and the not-so-subtle demands for American dollars....and finally,the eager eyes and smiling faces waiting at the terminal doors.

Its time once again to revel in a cup of early morning tea that I did not have to drag myself to make;gobble up sumptious ,leisurely breakfasts that did not come out of a box; indulge in lunches and dinners steeped in flavor and mother's love.

It is time once again to go prancing about the room as bai sweeps the floors;take lazy noon naps in the cooler's simulated chill as a loo scorches those brave enough to venture out ;and lie in front of the telly watching the endless parade of saas and bahus.

It is time once again to feel Ma's soft hand caress my head ,to be able to talk nineteen to the dozen without having to stop and think,to make demands for special dishes to be cooked;to go shopping for dresses with her in Sitabuldi.

It is time once again to become Baba's little girl,to be able to rest my head on his chest and feel all my troubles vanish;to see that familiar crinkle around his eyes as he smiles his gentle smile;to hear him say for the ten-millionth time 'Dont worry,be happy'.

It is time once again-to go home.

Ramblings of an idle mind

Another of those mornings-when simply the act of getting up seems to be one gargantuan,pain-staking task.

Another of those mornings-when I again realise that I am leading an absolute meaningless,fruitless ,parasitic existence on this planet.Do I even contribute anything in this world that I have inhabited for twenty-nine long springs like this one?Do I deserve the life that I am currently leading without giving any thing back in return?

Even my two year old has a more meaningful existence.She is like a beam of light ,spreading her warmth and cheer all around her.She manages to bring a smile to so many people's faces with her antics when we go out.She amazes me with her enthusiasm for life,her curiosity,her desire to explore.

And I....I spend my days in this vacuum around me.In a country far away from the land and the people that I call my own,where it seems that I do not know any body and nobody knows me,bereft of anything that would stimulate me,I mope away my days in splendid isolation.

What is it that draws us Indians to the U.S. or for that matter any other foreign land?Is the lure of money and opportunity so strong that it overpowers even our basic human desire to belong?For one can truly never find that feeling in these foreign shores-the feeling of belonging.

There are thousands of Indians who consider countries other than India home.But then they are no longer Indians.They have traded their identities long back-for the twang,the Tommy Hilfigers and the time -share holidays.They complain continuously about the pathetic state of affairs in India,visit India once in two years to show off all their designer finery anhd brag about their wonderful houses with the white picket-fence in the suburbs.

Do I want to be one of those Indians?Do I want to stay on in this country where hard work can help one achieve everything,well everything except a sense of truly belonging.For in order to belong,I need to become one of them.And in order to become one of them,I can no longer remain who I am .

And how many things in this world are truly worth changing oneself for?

The Da-Vinci Code

I did it!!I finally read the book!

For months I have trying to get my hands on this book.I tried in the library at Chicago,only to be placed at the end of a lo..o.ng waiting list,then again in vain at Detroit...But finally my quest was rewarded with success..in St Cloud.I guess someone might say that it would have been much more simpler to just go out and buy a copy..but then,for a book that has apparently entranced so many people,I was only too ready to wait.

The author Dan Brown has surely hurt the religious sentiments of a huge section of the general public and the clergy with his theories and suppositions in this book.But that has not prevented success from embracing him..he even has had law-suits slapped upon him(the surest sign of success?).

But what a book!A moderately big read at 436 pages....I spent one frenzied day reading it.It stimulated and touched me in a way that no book hasnt since a long time now.The book describes a quest-guided by clues hidden in the most unlikely of places,a quest that seeks to find Christianity's foremost symbol-the Holy Grail.it touches upon sensitive ground by implying that Christ was a mortal after all and had even married Mary magdalene and fathered children with her.

However,what enamoured me to this literary work is that it transcends the genre of being a mere thriller.True,ever since the book has hit the shelves,lots of people have further researched what has been written in it and have decided that many of the facts have been twisted.Come on folks,it is a novel after all-a work of fiction.Nowhere does Dan Brown claim this book to be an authentic depiction of history.

And in fact,this is the exact point that Dan Brown successfully raises.What are the Facts?Are they the stories handed down through the generations in the form of the Bible?Or is it possible that even the Bible has been doctored at some point in history to suit the times?

As for everything,there are always multiple sides to a story.For centuries,we have been led by our religious leaders and more so,by an innate human desire to trust,to believe what is supposedly written in our books of religion and history.We have been gullible enough to follow,sometimes blindly,these men of religion who guide the ways in which we think and act.But as Dan Brown mentions in his final pages,
"The pendulum is swinging,We are beginning to sense the dangers of our history...and of our destructive ways".

Amen to that!!

What you make me feel....

I am a mother...It is a part of who i am ...rather ,to a great extent nowadays-it Defines who I am.

My daughter rules my world.Though she is not even two-I sometimes wonder at the control she wields over my emotions.

Her face is the first thing that I see as I wake up on most mornings,the pitter-patter of her little feet force me to shake of my own sleep-induced lethargy and begin with my daily chores.

But one entreating look on her little face as she stands there witha book in her hands is enough to make me forget my work and sit and read to her.And,her tears....her tears make me want to throw everything away and just hold her close..close ...close.

And then..there are those times when she makes me feel like the most powerful person in her entire universe...with the power to make her smile through her tears,or giggle at some silly faces that I make.A sudden loud noise,a dark room,a strange face..and she turns to me,seeks out my hand...trusting me to protect her,reassure her,keep her safe.

My little one-she makes me weak,she makes me strong;she can ruin my day or she can be the only good thing in it;she makes me vulnearble,she is my strength;she is trouble with a capital T,she is my greatest JOY.

WE have had enough!!!

Enough!!We already have enough....of Reservations ,that is.

Today morning's TOI headlines scream about how the bill for increasing reservations in IITs and IIMs is already in motion.And I am sure....that it will get passed unopposed..by India's politicians that is.

The students..now that is another story.Students,of the so-called general category,the so-called privileged classes will see themselves victimised again.Their futures will be put on the butchers block again..and they ,like the proverbial lambs ,will be led to the slaughter.No one will pay any heed to their ineffectual bleatings,their helpless whimpers,their frustrated cries......

It is every man's and hence overall,a country's natural instinct to look out for the future of himself and his progeny.After all ,it is a mute question of survival.But somehow,India and its people defy all natural laws.Our politicians seem hell-bent on dragging the country on a path of self-destruction.A country that gives no credit to merit and would rather pander to the utterly selfish interests of certain,albeit large sections of society,is definitely on the road to Hell.

Does anybody even notice that our country is seeing one of its largest exoduses of all times.....that thousands of brilliant students and professionals are simply leaving every year,never to return.Does anybody stop to contemplate what future we are weaving for our children when we leave them hospitals,offices, teaching institutes and administration run by people whose only qualification is that their fore-fathers were once shudras.

I hope that somehow ,somebody will save what are our last bastions...the IITs and IIMs.Let them remain what they are-the symbol of academic brilliance,the ultimate goal of thousands of deserving students.Please let admission to these institutions remain as a reward for hard work.Do not reduce it to being a mere Birth-right!!

My First Post!

This is another first for me-blogging.I've always approached all my 'first times' with a lot of skepticism,quite a bit of apprehension and a tinge of thrill.NOthing new this time -only this time I did not even have the guts to use my real name while blogging.

I wonder why I am doing this-this paradoxical act of laying my thoughts and feelings open for the entire world to view and judge,at the same time hiding behind a curtain of anonymity.Laying myself bare while keeping my identity a secret.

I even wonder why I chose this particular name-'Leah ' to sign my posts.Apart from the fact that this name had always held a strange allure for me,its connotations hold particular truth for me at this point in my life.For 'Leah' in Hebrew means 'the weary one'.

And that is what I am -weary and old,too weary for my twenty-nine years.

I have started this blog to see if I can rediscover myself through it,reclaim what I was,become what I always thought I had the potential to be....

Is it too much to ask of a few words on a screen.I think not -words have a strange power -to create,to heal,to excite,to impassion,to subdue-words can be puppets or they can be the strings that help them move or even the hands that control those strings.

In the days to come,let me see where my random thoughts lead me....